Today…. well well well. I don’t even know where to begin.
I wish the existence of emotions did not exist, or i wish i could be a Tin man like the one from the wizard of Oz .Basically i just want to loose the ability to feel at all. Nothing i would like more right now than to be emotionally dead inside.
The guy i am absolutely head over heels for leaves the UK in 4 hours for ten days. I know it seems such short amount of time but when you spend everyday with someone just about and everything and nothing is done together i feel i am loosing literally my right arm. However , today has been such a massive realization with him not being able to speak or see him for 10 days, i’ve tried my very best to talk to him today, made a huge effort and he just doesn’t seem remotely interested. I feel like im being ignored and pushed under the rug. I can’t stand this no more, I’m tired of being second best to everything in his life. Quite frankly im emotionally drained and just TIRED. On the other hand though I’m emotionally attached/ addicted or as many refer to it as been “IN LOVE”.
I really do not want to feel like this for a second longer . I know i can’t just snap my fingers , nor can someone out there wave a magic and and make it all go away but i just need to get this guy out of my life and find someone who deserves me and my attention. I do deserve so much better than how i am treated , it may have taken me 9 months or so to realise this but i do. I mean i’m sat here in tears because i don’t know what i have done to be ignored , i shouldn’t be like this and most significantly he shouldn’t put me through this…
carpe Diem – seize the day/moment – that i feel i need to do. him being out of the country is my perfect opportunity to start the removal process. I was always taught never settle for someone simply because your scared you wont find someone else or your scared of been alone. Today i am fighting my fears . Its time to let go…..
Step 1 : Take down the photo’s and reminders.
Step 2 : Block on social networking sites
Step 3 : Block mobile number
Step 4 : HOW DO I START THE MENTAL PROCESS OF REMOVAL?
Peace and love and hoping for help and advice!
Listening to : “Your gonna loose that girl” – Beatles