Its been a hard days night….

 

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Its been a hard days night barely an sleep and a change of heart i less that 24 hours, What the hell is wrong with me?!!!

7 pm not long in from work. Today i came across this picture it instantly put a huge smile on my face! How can i have said all those things last night when someone can make you smile just looking at a picture. But then again he does make me so angry and sad at times…. Vicious circle right?

So he woke me up at 1am , 4am, and 6 am telling me all about his travels and to be honest i can’t really complain when my last rant yesterday was about not gearing from him. He’s put my mind at rest he arrived safe and sound and i guess that the fact he has text me first thing means i was in his thoughts  ❤

Today has been a happy day , my mind isn’t in overdrive and the weather is beautiful. what more can i ask for other than to not have had to work. Hope everyone else has had a fabulous day.

B’s quote of the day – 

There’s no point in consistently worrying about everything. What will happen will happen regardless. So breathe, look on the bright side, have some laughs, fall in love, accept what you can’t change, and carry on. To actually live is courageous.

 

Listening to “getting better” – The Beatles

 

Help me if you can I’m feeling down.

Today…. well well well. I don’t even know where to begin.

I wish the existence of emotions did not exist, or i wish i could be a Tin man like the one from the wizard of Oz .Basically i just want to loose the ability to feel at all. Nothing i would like more right now than to be emotionally dead inside.

The guy i am absolutely head over heels for leaves the UK in 4 hours for ten days. I know it seems such  short amount of time but when you spend everyday with someone just about and everything and nothing is done together i feel i am loosing literally my right arm. However , today has been such a massive realization with him not being able to speak or see him for 10 days,  i’ve tried my very best to talk to him today, made a huge effort and he just doesn’t seem remotely interested. I feel like im being ignored and pushed under the rug. I can’t stand this no more, I’m tired of being second best to everything in his life. Quite frankly im emotionally drained and just TIRED. On the other hand though I’m emotionally attached/ addicted or as many refer to it as been “IN LOVE”.

I really do not want to feel like this for a second longer . I know i can’t just snap my fingers , nor can someone out there wave a magic and and make it all go away but i just need to get this guy out of my life and find someone who deserves me and my attention. I do deserve so much better than how i am treated , it may have taken me 9 months or so to realise this but i do. I mean i’m sat here in tears because i don’t know what i have done to be ignored , i shouldn’t be like this and most significantly he shouldn’t put me through this…

carpe Diem – seize the day/moment – that i feel i need to do. him being out of the country is my perfect opportunity to start the removal process. I was always taught never settle for someone simply because your scared you wont find someone else or your scared of been alone. Today i am fighting my fears . Its time to let go…..

Step 1 : Take down the photo’s and reminders.

Step 2 : Block on social networking sites

Step 3 : Block mobile number

Step 4 : HOW DO I START THE MENTAL PROCESS OF REMOVAL?

Peace and love and hoping for help and advice!

B x

Listening to : “Your gonna loose that girl” – Beatles

I Get by with a little help from my friends.

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But, I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour. 
I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before. 
I’ll be there for you, cause you’re there for me too. 

 

Don’t lie to me i know you definitely sang that either aloud , or in your head to the theme tune of friends.

So it is 12:43 am and I’m writing about what is currently on mind, besides the guy who holds my heart; i am thinking about how thankful i am to my friends.  I think we often take those around us for granted or dont realise what these people do for us. We often will be the ones to wait for a text , or wait for someone to ring us rather thnan picking up the phone and calling to simply see how someone is. As cliche as it sounds this last year i do not know what i would have done with my friends. 

So the Last picture i posted along with this is a Lauren Conrad quote , despite it being from her i think it is awsome and 100% applies to my life. I have been dating this guy for nearly a year now – unofficially , along the way there has been a few hiccups ok…ALOT! its fair to say when this stuff happens i am like marlin when he loses Nemo to the Boat. Ii will often be found after these instances either confiding in my trusty Jack daniels , a soggy pillow or Ben and Jerrys.  Most significantly though every time this happens and this happen alot my friends are always there for me , they might tell me the same thing over and over again and being the female and love struck one i am . Do i listen? Do i balls! but each and every time they remain present. I’m sure all women have this phase i think we refer to it as our first loves or somethings i dont know but its the one guy that has a hold on you , is like i would say well to me my guy is like my heroin an unheathy addiction but something my bpdy craves to have.

More over , this post is just a little reminder to not take those around you for granted. Pick uo the phone or send a text to see how your friends are doing rather than just wait for them to you. Let them know if friends were like flowers it would be them you would pick a hundred times over because they are that great! We all make mistakes and i will be the first to admit i have pushed away some amazing people for the shittiest of things. so just remember no one is perfect but with the right circle of people around you , you can live a perfect life with a perfect balance of things.

Happy sunday guys!

Enjoy your day of rest

Peace and Love

B x

And I say hello. Hello Hello!

Hey Guys!


 

My name is Becks. I’m 21 and i live in a little old town called York.

I could waste the next ten minutes of my time telling you what i like and dislike but then that isn’t what you go on a blog for , or is it? how the hell would i know im new to all this. I’m pretty much your average teenager tbh.

I decided to write a blog though because whether I’m happy , I’m sad , sat pouring my heart into either Ben and Jerri’s or Jack Daniels i always seem to be searching the internet for some sort of i don’t know a picture a quote to tell me that the way I’m feeling is great , its normal or whether its just simply to know someone has been through this and come out the other end , better for it or i suppose at least alive.

I may suck , or i might be great who knows.

Wish me luck

Peace and Love

B x